Floating 'the Bubble' Home

It’s been a couple of weeks. The traumatic memories of Michaelmas are beginning to fade, bar the occasional flashbacks where you wake up sweating and shaking about non-existent work. But what is this? What is this strange longing in your heart about the fact that you haven’t cried in, well, days?

Welcome to the wonderful world of Cambridge University stockholm syndrome. Cambridge traps your heart, soul and will in its gilded cage, refusing to loosen its grip until every ounce of strength and resilience has gone flying out the window. Sure, while you are here you do some pretty crazy stuff to cope (I once threw an entire box of grapes across the street because they stood between me and my keys after 11 straight hours in the library), but when you aren’t here you just miss it. Luckily for you, I’ve assembled six top tips for recreating that authentic bubble experience next time you go home.

Six top tips for recreating ‘the Cambridge experience’:

1. Know nothing about world news. Feign blank stares whenever people bring up the the oil price or the Paris agreement. Avoid TV and radio with an almost religious zeal. For a really convincing experience, surround yourself with untouched copies of the Economist or similar that you are just far too busy to read.

2. Refer to the letterbox as ‘the pidge’ to perfectly replicate the suspense, tension and ultimate disappointment of rifling through the pile to see if anyone has written to you, realising you are unloved, and walking away, crushed. Bonus points if all your post this term is from ‘Give Blood’.

3. Eat from the bins behind a posh restaurant. This will, hopefully, remind you nostalgically of all the times the buttery served up last night’s hall rejects.

4. Missing the eccentricities of out of touch posh people (sorry, professors)? Just immerse yourself in the hustle and bustle of a Waitrose in one of the more ‘upmarket’ areas, and wait for the pure Cambridge-esque gold.

5. Find the smallest room in the house. Fill it with books. Sit in the corner and attempt to do something boring, pointless and insanely difficult , like trying to understand the point of the Daily Mail within an unrealistically short timeframe. For added effect, move the books fractionally closer every few minutes, in order to replicate the library’s increasing claustrophobia and sense of impending doom.

6. Pining for Cindies? Simulate being trapped in a sweaty room full of flailing arms, unwanted sexual advances, and people judging you on your appearance by playing the Lion King disco remix and using Tinder in the gym!

Pure Cambridge bliss! 

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