‘I’m attracted to gaming nerds, especially ones from London’: My Ideal Bloke 1

Harry Goodwin 1 October 2020
Image Credits: Netflix

Miss Demeanour, 19, is a student at Peterhouse. She describes herself as ‘diligent, enthusiastic and caring’, and is notable for her forthright manner. Miss Demeanour recently sat down with TCS to launch the website’s ‘My Ideal Bloke’ feature. Naturally, the conversation revolved around her Ideal Bloke.

TCS: Good afternoon, Miss Demeanour. Let’s cut to the chase: who, pray, is your Ideal Bloke?

MD: Well, for starters, he has to be a bit like a lion…

TCS: Lazy and temperamental?

MD: No, I mean he has to have a strong jawline. And a beard is an absolute must.

TCS: Isn’t it precisely because they have weak jawlines that most men grow beards?

MD: I didn’t know that. Anyway, I’m fine with any kind of hair – straight, floppy, long, short – so long as the bloke at the very least has hair.

TCS: What about height and muscles?

MD: I’m a big fan of dad bods. A very big fan, in fact – although I’d like at least some muscle tone, particularly along the arms. As for height, most guys are beanstalks compared to me so I would be receptive to a short king.

TCS: What about the other extreme – lanky boys, that is?

MD: No, I’m not at all attracted to lanky boys.

TCS: Alright. Let’s move on to the personality side of things.

MD: He has to make me smile and laugh. He should be kind, thoughtful, and a good listener –

TCS: *falls asleep*

MD: – and he has to be confident and determined. He can’t be intimidated by successful women, least of all by me. But equally, I’m attracted to gaming nerds, especially ones from London.

TCS: That’s oddly specific.

MD: Actually, I’m not very picky at all. I like both nice guys and jerks. But they can’t be at all like Boris Johnson.

TCS: Don’t bring politics into this. We’re having a serious psychosexual dialogue. But who should they be like?

MD: Zac Efron is my ultimate Ideal Bloke, in terms of both looks and personality.

TCS: He of the recently developed dad bod. That brings us around nicely – is there anything you’d like to add?

MD:  My Ideal Bloke must fulfil my desire. He must constantly lift my spirits and remind me how much he loves me. He must spoil me and he must get along with all my family and friends. Oh, and he must be able to compromise.