Sexual Healing – 4: Slept with College husband

The TCS Sex & Relationships column is here to answer your queries! Get in touch via relationships@tcs.cam.ac.uk

I’m really good friends with my college husband, but earlier this term, after a lot of flirting and a fair amount of alcohol, we slept together. I would hate this to affect our friendship, though at the same time I would like it to happen again... What do I do?

 

OK, this is a situation I’m sure many students here have worried about, if not been in: your closest male friend will undoubtedly end up as your college husband (if he has the balls to propose) and in these close living conditions, feelings can get confused.

There are a few things you need to ask yourself before you do anything: do you have feelings for him? And is your friendship with him (and therefore your college family life – because please, think of the children) more important to you than anything else you two might get up to?

Some people might see this as the perfect opportunity: good friends, good sex and an understanding that there are no strings attached. By all means, if this is what you both want, then go right ahead, have a bit of fun, release some of that Cambridge stress. But take note, you have vowed to stick by this person until graduation do you part, and friends with benefits can only end in one of two ways: with one of you falling for the other and consequently, a lot of awkwardness, or both of you miraculously realising, almost too late, your true feelings for each other. You also have to be careful that rejection doesn’t lead to resentment on either side, which would ruin your friendship entirely. On the other hand, you could become one of those couples who are going out and happily college married; yet such relationships are rare, and hardly long-lasting.

The other option: friend-zone him, ASAP. Sleeping with a guy once isn’t going to ruin your friendship unless you let it, but a few more times and then you’ll be in a pickle. Stop all those late night chats, cease flirting tipsily outside Cindies and tell him “what a good friend” he is. Your college children will suffer much less if you do.

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