Following the cessation of my Lent term column, I thought it only fair to inform my devoted readers of any developments regarding The Suitors.
You may remember Shoes in Bed, my dating guinea pig who was besotted with a personified emblem of perfection – his ex-girlfriend. I thought very little about him for a while, until one fateful Tuesday night in Cindies I was approached by a familiar quiff of ginger hair. Little did I know, Shoes In Bed was actually part of the TCS team and had been keeping up to date with my latest column adventures. We had a lot of fun recounting the tragic love story that was our brief dalliance and we’re still in contact as friends. As far as I’m aware, he’s still working on getting over his ex and is slowly but surely making it.
A personal favourite of mine was the classic Entitled White Man. Following our objectively disastrous date, I never did see him again. A couple of weeks later, I awoke in the middle of the night to an array of aggressive, explicitly misogynistic and expletive-laden texts. The next night, I received a seemingly genuine but still intoxicated apology, blaming his “useless” mother for his inability to deal with women. It’s the thought that counts. I never contacted him again, but I wish him the best in his quest for a doormat.
Despite having perhaps the most potential, my date with Rosie was sadly not to be repeated. I didn’t hear from her for weeks before running into her. She expressed genuine regret for not being in contact, explaining that she was struggling with depression following a recent revelation regarding her sexuality that she had not yet accepted. We have stayed in touch, and have since guided each other through a number of Cambridge-related stresses. I am genuinely thankful to have her in my life.
Finally, The Vanilla Prince. Following the uncovering of his long-term relationship, I decided that the most beneficial course of action for my sanity (and primarily, my dignity) was, of course, a 3am intoxicated rant about the sheer deceit and betrayal he had inflicted upon me. When I finally received a response, it was to explain that he and his girlfriend were dabbling in a brief polygamous phase so ‘technically’ he hadn’t done anything wrong. At this point, I was beyond emotionally exhausted and I have not been in touch with him since.
And since then, you ask? Well, this brief but drama-laden journey highlighted to me how crucial it is to have a phase in your life whereby you take the time to explore other people and more importantly, yourself.
Now for the big reveal – I have been keeping something from you. Whilst exploring the dating delights of Cambridge, I was engaging in a fairly casual dalliance with a friend. Neither of us had considered anything serious and were just enjoying one another’s company. However, over the course of writing this column, I found myself becoming more and more enamoured with this friend, and I became particularly thankful for how at ease I felt around him. Our relationship was everything that these dates were not – it was natural. Soon, we found ourselves swept into an exclusive and stable relationship, and I have never been happier.
My, what a cliché ending.