Sexual Healing – 5: Misinterpreting the signals

TCS Advice 13 February 2014

Last week, I was on what I thought was a friendly meal with someone I’ve been getting to know recently, when it suddenly occurred to me that it was more like a date. Rather than tell this guy that I’m already seeing someone, I agreed to go on a second date, out of social awkwardness. Also, he may be my way to a free ticket to a very exclusive May Ball – maybe I should hang on for that… What should I do?

Naturally, I am here to offer you a word of unjudgemental advice, but before doing so I must tell you that using someone only for material gain is completely immoral. If he found out about this I am sure that he would be very hurt; moreover, do you think you would even enjoy the ball knowing what you had done to get there? 

You may not be the guilty type – but if you leave this issue unresolved, it could soon become very problematic. If this next date is just the two of you, then it may become hard to avoid anything romantic – it is the second date, after all. Will your actual partner be OK with this? I hope you have at least told him the truth. And if you think telling someone that you are already attached is awkward, how awkward will you feel holding his hand in a romantically- lit restaurant or when he stretches his arm around you in a darkened cinema? 

Would losing this man as a friend be a great loss to you too? I assume he is not already within your circle of friends (as I expect the gossip would have spread already) – so perhaps it could be a quick and easy break. To be blunt, you just have to tell him the truth, as soon as possible. It may seem ridiculously awkward (and don’t we all hate awkwardness?), but the truth of the matter is that you just have to walk right up to him and tell him how naïve you were not to realise that what happened was a date. Apologise, explain that you in fact already have a boyfriend, and hope that you can still be friends – though that may end up being another issue entirely.