“So you want me to look into the camera lens intensely? Camera one or camera two? One? Okay but why are you whispering? Ooooh you’re not supposed to talk, sorry.”
Camera shakes documentary style as Cirion fixes her mike.
“Urrmm where do I start? Alright I’ll begin with who I am and what I do. Did you already do the intro?” Pauses “Come on guys, are you gonna make me do everything?” Mumbles under breath. “I don’t get paid enough for this mate.”
“The daring people here at Cosmos Broadcasting have brought me, Cirion, in for an interview regarding my recent, ‘misplacement’ shall we call it.”
“So as you may have guessed by my green skin and glowing eyes, I do not belong in this genre, but stupid susan switched the files and SO here I am in teen fic instead of Fantasy.”
Adjusts cloak in discomfort
“Can you guys open a window or something? Your air stinks of angst.” Pauses “Much better, thanks. I was on my way to the forest but sadly did not make it to my destination. When I opened my eyes the world around me had a pink hue and everyone was either kissing with a serious case of struggle-face or trying really hard to change the bad boy. It was horrible.”
Covers face and turns away from camera.
“Sorry something about this world makes me cry over the most useless things.”
Muffled voice from behind camera: “Our oxygen is laced with pubescent particles.”
“That’s what I was smelling earlier. Yeah it’s gross.” Laughs nervously. “Like genuinely disgusting.”
Cut to Cirion stood in front of school lockers.
“As per request of the crew, I will dumb down my situation for any viewers that may not understand. Imagine wreck-it-ralph-”
Screen goes fuzzy.
“Sorry about that, copyright can be exhaustive. Imagine a certain cartoon film about, where video-game characters go when the arcade is empty, only instead of video games, books, that’s what this is.” Looks past camera. “Can I really not say Wreck-it-”
Screen goes fuzzy.
Cut to Cirion sat in an incredibly pink bedroom.
“When I’m not casting spells and warning characters of ancestral curses, I’m just a regular gal that loves some Earl grey and a cosy Primark blanket. This whole mix up has been a massive set back, Jamie!”
Jamie behind camera: “What did I do?”
“I just don’t like you sorry. Anywho Cosmos asked me why I did not try to adapt to this new genre? Well, first things first everyone here is a teenager, the camera man is a boy. I’m 100 years old, I have green skin and I don’t understand the appeal of physiologically toxic relationships with vampires.”
Cut to Cirion stood in front of bleachers.
“Thank you for tuning in for the first installment of ‘I was an ancient fairy now I’m a high school goddess’?” Confused expression as she adjusts her glasses. “Tune in next week for more ‘fabulicious’, that’s not a word, who wrote these cards?”
Looks directly at camera. “Okay but seriously guys, I actually need to get back so if any of the viewers have any ideas please send them in to ‘www.Cosmoshighschoolbroadca-‘ wait this isn’t the national news?”
Holds head in frustration.
“You’re a high school news outlet? So you haven’t found a way back for me?” Silence “I need to be a spirit guide by 10.00pm.” Glares at Camera.
“To all you teenage viewers stop being such b******ping b******ps and pick up a b******ping book from time to time, you’re in one for b*****ps sake.”
Knocks over camera