Ever returned to your pigeon hole to find yourself the only female fresher in college without a mysterious meal invitation in it? Perhaps you don’t care about your appearance or haven’t flirted with enough older boys. Whatever the reason, the drinking society doesn’t want you. Only one option remains… come join the anti-drinking society.
Everyone’s invited. Male and female, Eton and comprehensive, more genetically blessed and less, party animals and hermits. Dress code? Anything. Matching society ties are available, for those who enjoy looking like prats. Don’t bother choosing nice knickers. Even “I love 1D” ones are acceptable. Unlike our competing societies, you definitely won’t be asked to show them. Also, the word pussy refers only to cats.
“Fining”: this isn’t what happens if you forget to return your book to the UL. It’s a game where you reveal embarrassing stories – like when your friend left the bread out so long that the Bio Natscis could identify five differnt types of mould on it. LOL BANTER. The victim must drink a shot of the anti-drinking society’s signature clear liquid (called ‘water’).
Full membership requires completion of a challenge set by the society president (aka the “Teetotalitarian”). Members must understand that these get rather wild: 1. Having to eat something really unpleasant. Like a brussel sprout. 2. Pole dancing, while putting on extra layers of clothing. 3. Trespassing somewhere illegal. Like one step on to Kings’ grass.
Afterwards? Lola’s. Head back for that late night library session you should have done earlier. Just be careful not to fall asleep, however dull medieval France is. Think what a bad light the Daily Mail will paint us in if they snap a photo of a member lying on their face…
Interested? Join our mailing list today at firstname.lastname@example.org. You’re guaranteed a thrilling night out. Or at least one no more contrived than real drinking societies.