‘Timothée Chalamet is the antithesis of my dream man’: My Ideal Bloke 2

Miss Anthropy, 19, is a ‘fun, friendly’ Peterhouse student whose interests include various kinds of sport and alcohol. She recently sat down with TCS to detail the attributes of her Ideal Bloke.

TCS: Good evening, Miss Anthropy. Let’s dispense with redundant chatter: tell us about your Ideal Bloke.

MA: Good evening. I’d say that my Ideal Bloke has to be whipped – but he can’t just be a pushover.

TCS: Interesting. Could you develop that point?

MA: Yes, of course. It’s quite essential that he has a social life independently of our relationship, and he can’t be in the least bit wet.

TCS: That’s most Cambridge boys out of contention.

MA: And Timothée Chalamet.

TCS: I’m sorry?

MA: Timothée Chalamet is the antithesis of my Ideal Bloke

TCS: Because he’s wet?

MA: Yes, and the floppy hair doesn’t do it for me. I much prefer short hair.

TCS: Seeing as we’re going along that route anyway, could you identify some physical attributes of your Ideal Bloke?

MA: He should be taller than me, but he doesn’t have to be a giant. As well as being short-haired, I’d also like him to be clean-shaven –

TCS: Sharp jawline?

MA: Sharp jawline. Some sort of muscliness would be good, whether it’s just toning or being full-on ripped.

TCS: In terms of general ambience we’re talking more the sporty corner of the bloke compass.

MA: Yes, a sporty guy would be ideal. I don’t particularly mind whether he’s a rugby lad specifically or involved with something different.

TCS: Reflecting on the attributes you’ve itemised, Scott McTominay comes to mind. He has a very independent social life. Would you say he resembles your Ideal Bloke?

MA: Let me look him up, I’m not a football fan. [Interval.] No way. I’ll tell you who does resemble my Ideal Bloke: Armie Hammer.

TCS: Let me look him up, I’m not a homebody. [Interval.] But he isn’t a sportsman; indeed, one might almost call him wet.

MA: He isn’t wet, and you can be sporty without being a sportsman.

TCS: Let’s not indulge in semantic quibbles, please. Anyway, what qualities does Armie Hammer possess which Scott McTominay does not?

MA: He’s funny, straightforward and smart. He’s also just a nice guy – he exudes an aura of niceness. Unlike some people.