Dear Mrs. Springer,
I live with four girls, and we’re all close. Recently I’ve had stronger feelings for one of the girls, my closest friend in the house, but I never suspected myself of being gay and I am still attracted to boys. I cannot envisage myself with any girl apart from this one (and indeed find the thought funny). What should I do?
During the turbulent teenage years, many girls feel uncertain about their sexuality. You say you’re generally not attracted to other girls; this implies that your feelings for your friend may just be immense liking and admiration rather than something sexual. Do you see yourself going on a date with her, or kissing her? Sometimes friendship can be overwhelming, but it is not necessarily symptomatic of something more. Telling her might make her panic, you should be sure of your feelings and what you want before you say anything. If you do not want a relationship, but “a bit of fun”, remind yourself that you may well irreparably damage your friendship. And if she has given you no indication of similar feelings, she might feel awkward about your revelation.
I’m feeling very unloved at the moment, and patronised by my friends. All of them are in stable relationships and aren’t they letting me know it! In between being irritated about their misguided attempts to set me up with increasingly unattractive bachelors and self pity for my state of singledom, I’m completely lost as to how to deal with Valentine’s Day. I have always considered myself attractive and mentally stable, so it always depresses me when my friends persist in pointing out what they think are the reasons why I have not attracted a mate. Thoughts?
-Desperate of Downing
Attractive, single AND mentally stable? In Cambridge? Fancy going out for a drink tonight? 7.30, La Raza, I’ll be wearing a bow tie.