Week 7: Mrs Springer / Simon Says

1 March 2008

“My friend suspects my boyfriend of cheating—but she used to fancy him herself. We have been friends for years though, and I would trust her in any other situation.”

Troubled at Trinity

So your trust for your friend has dissolved because she used to fancy your boyfriend. It is not that you don’t trust her it is that she is telling you something you do not want to hear. If she has always shown herself to be trustworthy, you have no reason not to trust her now. Bear in mind her task has been a difficult one; and you are about to make the mistake of shooting the messenger. The only thing you can try and check is how much she enjoys telling you this difficult news. Is she awkward, reluctant? Or does she tell you rather too easily, reveling in it? If the latter, authenticate her story as much as possible, question her intensely and ask others she mentions in her story for verification. Tell her that you want to be as sure as possible before you broach this with your boyfriend and that she needs to be completely certain of what she tells you. But, you are bound to doubt her because this is information you hate. Imagine how you would react if someone who had never fancied your boyfriend told you this. You would still want to doubt them. You need to talk to your boyfriend and tell him what you have heard. The issue is with him, not your friend.

Dear Simon,

I am very stressed out at the moment about May Balls—that annual window of ticket purchasing has come, gone and passed me by entirely.

All the balls that my friends are attending have already sold out due to my computer being far too primitive to manage the complicated task of logging on to a website at the same time as the entire population of the University and so my May Week is looking emptier than the AsNaC faculty. Help!

Ticketless of Tit Hall

Simon Says…

Calm down – even though there are officially no more tickets left, there are a myriad ways to ensure attendance at the ball of your choice.

1)Espionage – May Ball websites list the full roster of committee members. A little planning, kidnap and extortion should be well within the capabilities of a Cambridge student.

2)Find willing student at college of your chosen ball. Prostitute yourself for a ticket.

3)Identity theft – intercept one of your friend’s tickets, and obtain a fake ID in their name. So what if they lose out? You’ll be going!

4)Crash – there could be an entire article devoted to ball crashing but all I’ll say is this: parachuting in does not get you kicked out.